6 hadiths on anger
and self-control
What can you say and do when you are angry? Six hadiths on self-control, speech and gentleness.
A hurtful remark, an argument or a message received at the wrong moment: how can we respond when anger rises?
These six authentic hadiths on anger, reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim, teach a supplication, explain self-control and relate how the Prophet ﷺ responded to a rough act.
Article contents
‘Do not become angry’: the advice repeated to the same man
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayra reports that a man asks the Prophet ﷺ to give him advice. He replies in a few words. The man repeats his request several times, and each time the Prophet gives him the same answer:“Do not become angry.”
Read the Arabic text
لَا تَغْضَبْ
Understanding this hadith
How should we understand ‘do not become angry’ when we are already angry? The Encyclopedia of Translated Prophetic Hadiths distinguishes two efforts: avoiding what feeds anger and controlling ourselves when it arises. The next hadith describes precisely someone who controls themselves at the moment of anger.
Before sending an insulting message or continuing an argument, you can pause the exchange: ‘I am too angry to discuss this now. Let’s come back to it later.’ This leaves time to address the disagreement without adding an insult.
Strength is more than overcoming an opponent
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayra transmits a saying of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ comparing strength shown in wrestling with self-control. He says:“The strong person is not the one who overpowers others; the strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.”
Read the Arabic text
لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ
Understanding this hadith
The Prophet ﷺ compares two forms of strength: defeating someone in wrestling and controlling oneself when angry. He emphasises the second, which requires holding back one’s own reaction.
The person described does feel anger. Self-control does not mean feeling nothing: you can be furious and hold back an insult or a blow.
After an argument, ask yourself what you managed to hold back and what hurt the other person. Having the last word does not tell you whether you acted well.
A supplication during an argument
The context of the narration
Sulayman ibn Surad relates that two men are insulting one another in the presence of the Prophet ﷺ. One of them is very angry and red in the face. The Prophet explains that he knows words which, if the man said them, would remove what he is experiencing. He then gives this wording:أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ
“I seek refuge in Allah from Satan, the accursed.”
Pronunciation help
Aʿūdhu billāhi mina sh-shayṭāni r-rajīm.
An approximate transliteration of the Arabic text.
Understanding this hadith
Later in the account, the words of the Prophet ﷺ are conveyed to the man, but he replies that he is not mad. He rejects the advice while still carried away by anger.
The words taught ask Allah to protect us from Satan. You can learn them so that you can recall them when anger rises.
If you remind someone of them, avoid making it a reproach in front of others. The aim is to help them calm down, not to shame them.
Speaking good or remaining silent
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayra reports a teaching connecting three attitudes: not harming one’s neighbour, honouring one’s guest and guarding one’s words. The last part says:“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.”
Read the Arabic text
وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ
Understanding this hadith
The advice concerns speech in general. During an argument, it helps distinguish what needs explaining from what we want to say in order to hurt someone.
‘You promised to come and I waited for you’ describes a problem. ‘You can never be relied on’ attacks the person. The first sentence allows you to ask for an explanation without adding humiliation.
Speaking good is not limited to staying silent. Expressing disagreement, reporting a wrong or asking for help may also require speaking up.
The guide to speech and backbiting returns to Bukhari 6018 and also explains when speaking up is needed to stop a wrong.
A generous response to a rough act
The context of the narration
Anas ibn Malik is walking with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, who is wearing a cloak from Najran with a thick border. A Bedouin approaches and pulls the garment so hard that Anas sees a mark on his shoulder. The man asks him for a share of the wealth of Allah in his possession. Anas then reports this reaction:“The Messenger of Allah ﷺ turned towards him, then smiled and ordered that he be given something.”
Read the Arabic text
فَالْتَفَتَ إِلَيْهِ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ثُمَّ ضَحِكَ ثُمَّ أَمَرَ لَهُ بِعَطَاءٍ
Understanding this hadith
Anas describes an act rough enough to leave a mark. Yet the Prophet ﷺ turns with a smile and orders that the man be given something. He responds to the request without returning his harshness.
This account shows the Prophet’s self-control in the face of aggression. It does not require satisfying every aggressive demand or remaining exposed to violence. A request can also be refused without insults or humiliation.
Gentleness makes the way we act more beautiful
The context of the narration
‘Aisha, the wife of the Prophet ﷺ, reports this saying about gentleness. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ says:“Gentleness is not present in anything without beautifying it, and it is not removed from anything without making it ugly.”
Read the Arabic text
إِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لاَ يَكُونُ فِي شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ زَانَهُ وَلاَ يُنْزَعُ مِنْ شَىْءٍ إِلاَّ شَانَهُ
Understanding this hadith
The Arabic word rifq means gentleness. In a disagreement, this may mean letting the other person finish their explanation or making a request without insulting them.
If you have already uttered an insult, start by acknowledging it: ‘I should not have said that to you.’ You can then return to the disagreement. Apologising for your words does not require you to approve of what the other person did.
Also read: gentleness in everyday exchanges.
In practice
- Your anger is rising nowReturn to the request for protection taught in Sulayman’s account. You can memorise it outside an argument so that it is easier to recall.Reread the supplication
- A message may hurt someoneReread your message and remove the insults. Keep the fact you need to explain or the request you need to make.Reread the advice on speech
- You need to set a boundaryPrepare a clear sentence about the behaviour causing a problem and what you would like to happen next. Try to express this boundary without belittling the person.Reread the hadith on gentleness
- You are thinking back to an argumentReconsider the words or actions that hurt the other person and the apology you need to make.Reread the hadith on self-control
Sources
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 6116Not letting anger take over
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 6114True strength
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 6115Seeking refuge in Allah
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 6018Guarding your words
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 5809Facing harshness
- Sahih Muslim · 2594aChoosing gentleness
Explanation of the advice: avoid the causes of anger and control yourself when it arises. Encyclopedia of Translated Prophetic Hadiths — Do not become angry.
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