5 hadiths on children
and education
Showing affection, teaching an action, avoiding reproaches and treating children fairly: five accounts explained.
A child has to learn many things an adult does without thinking: eating with others, waiting, asking and trying again after a mistake. How we speak to them forms part of that learning. They also receive education through the affection shown to them and how adults treat their brothers and sisters.
These five accounts show precise words at mealtimes, visible affection, great restraint in reproaches and a demand for fairness. The last brings a child’s crying into prayer: the Prophet ﷺ considers the distress the mother might feel.
Article contents
The Prophet kisses his grandson
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayrah relates that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ kissed al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali. Al-Aqra‘ ibn Habis, sitting beside him, declared that he had ten children and had kissed none of them. The Prophet looked at him, then replied:“Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.”
Read the Arabic text
مَنْ لاَ يَرْحَمُ لاَ يُرْحَمُ
Understanding this hadith
The answer follows an affectionate gesture towards al-Hasan. The contrast with al-Aqra‘’s statement makes the passage’s meaning clear: never showing tenderness to your children is not presented as a quality to congratulate yourself on.
Affection can be visible in a warm welcome, reassuring words or a gesture the child gladly receives. The account reports a kiss; it does not require turning affection into imposed contact when the child turns away. The adult can express attachment another way.
After a disagreement, we can correct behaviour while reassuring the child: “I love you, but I won’t let you hit.” The instruction concerns the action that must stop, without threatening to stop loving the child.
Also read: caring for an orphaned child and considering their needs.
At mealtimes, teaching what the child should do
The context of the narration
‘Umar ibn Abi Salamah relates that he was a boy in the care of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. During a meal, his hand moved around the shared dish. The Prophet addressed him directly:“Boy, mention Allah’s name, eat with your right hand and eat what is near you.”
Read the Arabic text
يَا غُلاَمُ سَمِّ اللَّهَ، وَكُلْ بِيَمِينِكَ وَكُلْ مِمَّا يَلِيكَ
Understanding this hadith
The advice contains three actions the child can understand and perform. It concerns what is happening in front of him at that meal. ‘Umar adds that he kept this way of eating afterwards: the account therefore also reports how the teaching was followed.
The adult does not merely say the child eats badly. He indicates what he expects: mention Allah, use the right hand and take from the nearby part of the dish. This precision allows an action to be corrected without turning the correction into a general judgement on the child.
In other learning situations, you can keep this distinction: name the action to perform rather than repeating “be good”. Asking a child to put an object in a particular place is more understandable than reproaching them for never being tidy. This application concerns the clarity of advice; the hadith’s three recommendations remain connected with the meal.
Anas remembers ten years without contemptuous words
The context of the narration
Anas ibn Malik describes the ten years during which he served the Prophet ﷺ. He recalls:“I served the Prophet for ten years. He never said “uff” to me, nor “Why did you do that?” nor “Why did you not do it?””
Read the Arabic text
خَدَمْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَشْرَ سِنِينَ، فَمَا قَالَ لِي أُفٍّ وَلاَ لِمَ صَنَعْتَ وَلاَ أَلاَّ صَنَعْتَ
Understanding this hadith
Anas remembers that the Prophet ﷺ did not say “uff” to him or repeatedly reproach him for things he had done or left undone. Here, “uff” expresses irritation or disdain.
This testimony does not erase the previous account, where the Prophet ﷺ gives a boy an instruction. Teaching and humiliating are not synonyms. You can demonstrate the expected action without accumulating sentences that make the child the problem: “you again”, “you never understand”.
If such words have been spoken, an adult can acknowledge and correct them: “I spoke harshly to you; I will explain what I am asking.” Acknowledging harshness allows the instruction to stand without defending hurtful words.
To explore this conduct further, see Anas’s account in the guide on anger.
Being fair in gifts to children
The context of the narration
‘Amir reports hearing an-Nu‘man ibn Bashir recount a gift received from his father. His mother, ‘Amrah bint Rawahah, asked that the Prophet ﷺ witness it. The father came to him. The Prophet asked whether he had given the same to all his children; he replied no. The Prophet then said:“Fear Allah and be fair to your children.”
Read the Arabic text
فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ، وَاعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ أَوْلاَدِكُمْ
Understanding this hadith
The father then returned and took back his gift.
Before a substantial gift, this question deserves to be asked: what have the other children received? A preference the adult considers trivial may be very visible to those experiencing it. Avoiding making a gift the reward of a “favourite” child is a direct application a family can consider.
The passage concerns a gift; it is not enough to settle every case of differing needs, disability, maintenance expenses or inheritance. For a particular decision about property, the complete situation needs to be presented to a competent person. Keeping the gift’s context avoids constructing from one sentence a scale for all family spending.
Hearing a child cry and considering the mother
The context of the narration
‘Abdullah ibn Abi Qatadah reports from his father, Abu Qatadah, this saying of the Prophet ﷺ about the prayer he leads. The Prophet explains what he does when he hears a child cry:“I stand for prayer intending to prolong it, then hear a child crying and shorten my prayer because I do not want to cause hardship for the child’s mother.”
Read the Arabic text
إِنِّي لأَقُومُ فِي الصَّلاَةِ أُرِيدُ أَنْ أُطَوِّلَ فِيهَا، فَأَسْمَعُ بُكَاءَ الصَّبِيِّ، فَأَتَجَوَّزُ فِي صَلاَتِي كَرَاهِيَةَ أَنْ أَشُقَّ عَلَى أُمِّهِ
Understanding this hadith
The Prophet ﷺ had an intention, then adjusted the prayer’s length to what he heard. He also names the mother: the child’s crying and the difficulty she might feel are not ignored in favour of the original programme.
The account invites consideration of what a parent experiences with their child in a shared place. At a family gathering, suggesting a break or offering help the parent accepts may be more useful than a disapproving comment. Someone busy soothing a child does not always need further advice.
For the parent, this text recalls that their constraints were considered in an act as important as prayer. They need not pretend that a child never needs them.
Also read the priority given to good companionship for the mother.
In practice
- You want to show affectionWelcome your child with tender words or a gesture they gladly receive.Read al-Hasan’s account
- An instruction is not understoodName the expected action, as in the advice given at the meal.Read the advice to ‘Umar
- You keep reproachingRestate a precise request while removing humiliating words.Read Anas’s testimony
- You are preparing a substantial giftLook at what each child has been given before deciding.Read the question about gifts
- A parent is overwhelmedOffer help suited to their wishes without adding a remark about the crying.Read the hadith on shortened prayer
Sources
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 5997The Prophet kisses his grandson
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 5376At mealtimes, teaching what the child should do
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 6038Anas remembers ten years without contemptuous words
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 2587Being fair in gifts to children
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 707Hearing a child cry and considering the mother