3 hadiths on forgiveness
and reconciliation
Forgiving an offence, renewing a greeting and repairing harm you caused: three hadiths for understanding forgiveness between people.
After an offence, several questions can become entangled: will I forgive, speak to this person again or trust them again? These decisions are distinct. Forgiveness concerns the wrong suffered; resuming a relationship also requires considering what is happening today and what can change.
The following hadiths speak of the honour attached to forgiveness, the first greeting after a quarrel and the responsibility of someone who committed an injustice. Reading them together prevents placing all the effort on the injured person. The one who caused the harm also has something to acknowledge and repair.
Article contents
Forgive without denying the harm
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayrah transmits a saying of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ bringing together three teachings: charity does not diminish wealth, forgiveness increases honour, and someone humble for Allah is raised by Him. Here is the passage on forgiveness:“Allah increases a servant through forgiveness only in honour.”
Read the Arabic text
وَمَا زَادَ اللَّهُ عَبْدًا بِعَفْوٍ إِلاَّ عِزًّا
Understanding this hadith
Forgiveness may be perceived as defeat: we fear the other person will see it as proof they were right or can repeat the harm. Yet the hadith connects forgiveness with honour granted by Allah. Choosing not to repay an offence does not require declaring it acceptable.
You can say that someone’s words hurt you and choose not to take revenge. Forgiving does not require pretending it was nothing. Sadness can remain after deciding to forgive.
Forgiveness must not be invoked to force someone to abandon protection or resume a relationship with a dangerous person. Seeking justice and safety cannot be reduced to a desire for revenge. In a relationship where trust is lost, resumption does not depend solely on the injured person’s generosity: harmful behaviour also has to stop. A victim cannot be required to prove forgiveness by exposing themselves again.
Taking the first step after a quarrel
The context of the narration
Abu Ayyub al-Ansari reports this saying of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about two brothers who meet and turn away from one another. The text condemns prolonging the quarrel and identifies the one who initiates the greeting:“It is not permissible for a man to abandon his brother for more than three nights: they meet, one turns away and the other turns away. The better of the two is the one who begins with the greeting.”
Read the Arabic text
لاَ يَحِلُّ لِرَجُلٍ أَنْ يَهْجُرَ أَخَاهُ فَوْقَ ثَلاَثِ لَيَالٍ، يَلْتَقِيَانِ فَيُعْرِضُ هَذَا وَيُعْرِضُ هَذَا، وَخَيْرُهُمَا الَّذِي يَبْدَأُ بِالسَّلاَمِ
Understanding this hadith
In an ordinary quarrel, the hadith gives preference to the person who greets first. They need not wait for the other person to admit every fault before offering salam.
After an argument about a forgotten invitation or misunderstood message, renewing the greeting can open an exchange. You can then suggest a time to clarify what happened without attaching a list of every old reproach to the first message. The beginning of calm does not require every question to be resolved in the first sentence.
The situation described concerns people turning away from each other in a quarrel. It does not allow contact to be imposed on someone threatened or harassed. In those circumstances, protection and appropriate help come before an attempt to meet. For a disagreement without danger, the account invites us not to let pride obstruct the first greeting.
Asking forgiveness when you have caused harm
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayrah reports that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ asked someone who had wronged a person, in their honour or otherwise, to obtain their pardon in this life. The hadith then mentions the judgement where good deeds and sins will be taken into account for the injustice committed.“Let whoever has wronged someone in their honour or anything else seek release from it today, before there is neither dinar nor dirham.”
Read the Arabic text
مَنْ كَانَتْ لَهُ مَظْلَمَةٌ لأَحَدٍ مِنْ عِرْضِهِ أَوْ شَىْءٍ فَلْيَتَحَلَّلْهُ مِنْهُ الْيَوْمَ، قَبْلَ أَنْ لاَ يَكُونَ دِينَارٌ وَلاَ دِرْهَمٌ
Understanding this hadith
The appeal here addresses the wrongdoer. It does not advise waiting for the injured person to forget, or reminding them of forgiveness’s merits to obtain their silence. It asks the wrongdoer to address the harm committed.
A useful apology names what happened. “I repeated false information about you” acknowledges more than a vague “sorry if you took it badly”. If money is owed, returning it addresses the material problem; if an accusation was circulated, its correction must reach those who heard it. Words of regret do not replace what can be repaired.
The wronged person may not be ready to answer immediately. Asking forgiveness does not authorise demanding reconciliation on command or sending repeated messages until they say what you want to hear. You can apologise, propose a precise repair and leave room for an answer. The responsibility to change your conduct remains intact even if the other person does not immediately reassure you.
In practice
- You want to forgive without denying the harmName what hurt you and the boundaries needed to prevent its repetition.Read the hadith on forgiveness
- An ordinary quarrel is lastingRenew the greeting and suggest a calm exchange about the specific disagreement.Read the hadith on the first greeting
- You circulated a false accusationCorrect it with those who received it, then offer an apology naming your wrong.Read the hadith on repair
- You are waiting for a response to your apologyGive the person time to respond and carry out the proposed repair without pressing them.Understand the wrongdoer’s responsibility
Sources
- Sahih Muslim · 2588Forgive without denying the harm
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 6077Taking the first step after a quarrel
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 2449Asking forgiveness when you have caused harm