5 hadiths on mothers
and parents
Treating parents well, helping them, welcoming a non-Muslim mother and supplicating after a death: five accounts explained.
Who most deserves our attention? How should we treat a parent who does not share our faith? What can we still do for them after their death?
These five authentic hadiths, reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim, explore kindness to parents, or birr al-walidayn, through questions put to the Prophet ﷺ and actions related by his companions.
Article contents
‘Your mother’ three times, then ‘your father’
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayra reports that a man comes to ask the Messenger of Allah ﷺ who most deserves his good companionship. This is the exchange that follows his question:“The Prophet replies: ‘Your mother.’ The man asks: ‘Then who?’ He replies: ‘Your mother.’ The man asks: ‘Then who?’ He replies: ‘Your mother.’ The man asks: ‘Then who?’ He replies: ‘Then your father.’”
Read the Arabic text
قَالَ أُمُّكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ أُمُّكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ أُمُّكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ مَنْ قَالَ ثُمَّ أَبُوكَ
Understanding this hadith
The man asks who most deserves his good companionship: whom he should treat well and give his attention to. The Prophet ﷺ replies ‘your mother’ three times, then names the father. The repetition emphasises the mother’s place without excluding the father.
Treating a parent well also concerns how we speak to them. Helping impatiently, interrupting them or making them feel they are a nuisance can hurt them even if the requested task is done. Listening to their full answer or explaining a letter without becoming irritated are simple examples of this care.
To find out what help would be welcome, you can ask: ‘What would you need this week?’ They may want a visit, a phone call or help with a task. The hadith does not set a numerical allocation of visits or spending between the two parents.
For difficult conversations, also read the advice to speak good or remain silent.
The Prophet asks this man who wants to leave to serve his parents
The context of the narration
‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As reports that a man asks the Prophet ﷺ whether he should take part in jihad. The Prophet asks whether both his parents are alive. The man says yes. The Prophet then tells him:“Then devote your effort to the two of them.”
Read the Arabic text
فَفِيهِمَا فَجَاهِدْ
Understanding this hadith
The man asks to take part in jihad; the Prophet ﷺ tells him to devote his effort to his parents. The same verb here expresses effort directed towards them. Serving them therefore has religious value, even if that help takes place at home and is little noticed.
Accompanying a parent to an appointment, doing their shopping or explaining a procedure several times can take considerable time. If several relatives can help, sharing these tasks avoids everything falling on one person.
The Prophet is answering this particular man. This account does not allow us to conclude that a child must give up every plan to go away to stay with their parents.
Should Asma’ welcome her non-Muslim mother?
The context of the narration
Asma’ bint Abu Bakr relates that her mother comes to see her during the lifetime of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. Her mother is then a polytheist and wishes to receive kindness from her daughter. Asma’ asks the Prophet whether she should maintain ties with her. He replies:“Yes, maintain ties with your mother.”
Read the Arabic text
نَعَمْ صِلِي أُمَّكِ
Understanding this hadith
Asma’ hesitates to welcome her mother because she is not Muslim. The Prophet ﷺ asks her to maintain ties with her. In this account, a difference in religion therefore does not justify turning her away.
If your parents do not share your faith, asking how they are, welcoming them or helping them remains a way to show affection. Every conversation need not become a religious debate.
The reply concerns maintaining ties with her mother. It does not mean that Asma’ must adopt her beliefs.
Keeping in touch with those close to your father
The context of the narration
Ibn Dinar relates an encounter on the road to Mecca. ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar greets a Bedouin and gives him the donkey he was riding as well as his turban. His companions are surprised by such generosity, thinking the man would have been satisfied with little.
Ibn ‘Umar explains that the man’s father was a dear friend of his own father, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab. He then quotes this saying he heard from the Messenger of Allah ﷺ:
“Among the greatest forms of kindness is for a child to maintain ties with the people his father loved.”
Read the Arabic text
إِنَّ أَبَرَّ الْبِرِّ صِلَةُ الْوَلَدِ أَهْلَ وُدِّ أَبِيهِ
Understanding this hadith
The account encourages us not to forget the people our father loved. Asking after an old friend, visiting him or staying in touch with his family are ways to continue these relationships. After a death, these people may also share memories of the parent who has passed away.Also read: maintaining ties with other family members.
Supplicating for a parent after their death
The context of the narration
Abu Hurayra reports a general teaching of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about what continues to bring benefit after death:“When a human being dies, their deeds come to an end except in three cases: ongoing charity, knowledge from which benefit is drawn, or a righteous child who supplicates for them.”
Read the Arabic text
إِذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلاَّ مِنْ ثَلاَثَةٍ إِلاَّ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ
Understanding this hadith
The hadith names three things whose benefit remains after death: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge and a righteous child who supplicates for the deceased. This last mention directly concerns the relationship with parents.
If you have lost a Muslim parent, you can call upon Allah on their behalf. You can do so while you are still sad; there is no need to wait until grief has passed.
The mention of a ‘righteous child’ encourages care for one’s own conduct. It gives no reason to give up supplicating because we ourselves have faults to correct.
In practice
- You lack time togetherSet aside time to listen and ask what your parent would really appreciate.Read the hadith on good companionship
- A parent needs helpChoose a specific task and, if needed, arrange for the help to be shared.Read the account on serving parents
- You do not share the same faithAsma’ asks the Prophet whether she should maintain ties with her polytheist mother. Read his answer.Read the answer given to Asma’
- You have lost a Muslim parentThe hadith names a righteous child’s supplication among the things that benefit the deceased.Read the hadith on a child’s supplication
Sources
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 5971Good companionship
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 5972Making an effort to help them
- Sahih al-Bukhari · 2620A difference in religion
- Sahih Muslim · 2552aThe father’s friends
- Sahih Muslim · 1631After a death